• All philosophies, if you ride them home, are nonsense, but some are greater nonsense than others. ( Quote by: Samuel Butler )

• Law and love are the same; romantic in concept but the actual practice can give you a yeast infection.( Quote by: Ally McBeal )

• A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. ( Quote by: Brendan Francis )

• Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. ( Quote by: Erma Bombeck )

• Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the the universe. ( Quote by: Albert Einstein )

• A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.( Quote by: Thomas Jefferson )

• A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore. ( Quote by: Yogi Berra )

• Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. ( Quote by: Jim Carrey )

• I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes. ( Quote by: Oscar Wilde )

• California is a fine place to live – if you happen to be an orange. ( Quote by: Fred Allen )

• Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. ( Quotes by: Bob Hope )

• When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. ( Quotes by: Sacha Guitry )

• I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me. ( Quotes by: Warren Buffett )

• Love is the answer. But while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. ( Quotes by: Woody Allen )

• Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.( Quotes by: Albert Einstein )

• Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone. ( Quotes by: Lenny Bruce )

• Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both. ( Quotes by: Samuel Butler )

• Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don’t understand, such as working for a living. ( Quotes by: P. J. ORourke )

• It is always the best policy to tell the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar. ( Quotes by: Jerome K. Jerome )

• The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax. ( Quotes by: Albert Einstein )

• You’re so ugly you’re the prove that God has a sense of humor. ( Quotes by: E.L. Raymond )

• Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! ( Quotes by: Jay Leno )

• Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel. ( Quotes by: Leonardo Di Vinci )

• Insurance is like marriage. You pay, pay, pay, and you never get anything back. ( Quotes by: Al Bundy )

• The less we know, the longer the explanation. ( Quotes by: B.G. )

• Life is like a roll of toilet paper; hopefully long and useful, but it always ends at the wrong moment. ( Quotes by: Rudyh )

• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes. ( Quotes by: Unknown )

• A kiss can be a comma, a question mark or an exclamation point. That’s basic spelling that every woman ought to know. ( Quotes by: Mistinguette )